Christians are straight up FREAKS
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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