Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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