this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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