i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.