Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(831): View more from California

There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

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(831): There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college. http://tfl.nu/9iax

Replies (25) Good night (7112) Bad night (657)
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(253): View more from Washington

I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer

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(253): I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer http://tfl.nu/v4f1

Replies (32) Good night (5518) Bad night (1196)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.

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(337): Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again. http://tfl.nu/uobp

Replies (17) Good night (3714) Bad night (882)
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(917): View more from New York City

My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".

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(917): My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva". http://tfl.nu/2q86

Replies (25) Good night (4751) Bad night (1793)
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(775): View more from Nevada

FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again

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(775): FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again http://tfl.nu/fzl1

Replies (25) Good night (6610) Bad night (1179)
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(646): View more from New York

why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?

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(646): why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night? http://tfl.nu/e1cc

Replies (9) Good night (1475) Bad night (686)
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(216): View more from Ohio

I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?

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(216): I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america? http://tfl.nu/75bl

Replies (3) Good night (2482) Bad night (574)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.

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(609): Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style. http://tfl.nu/0udf

Replies (6) Good night (2056) Bad night (987)
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(907): View more from Alaska

Can I color on your dick again?

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(907): Can I color on your dick again? http://tfl.nu/t2pd

Replies (12) Good night (1250) Bad night (483)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.

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(479): Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success. http://tfl.nu/y7jz

Replies (4) Good night (2413) Bad night (335)
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(914): View more from New York

He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?

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(914): He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf? http://tfl.nu/eppt

Replies (4) Good night (279) Bad night (848)
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(731): View more from Tennessee

He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me

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(731): He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me http://tfl.nu/hoyn

Replies (6) Good night (886) Bad night (233)
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(646): View more from New York

Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable

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(646): Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable http://tfl.nu/rcay

Replies (6) Good night (1109) Bad night (242)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.

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(218): So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/i9rc

Replies (5) Good night (361) Bad night (591)
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(561): View more from Florida

Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.

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(561): Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/luvf

Replies (4) Good night (639) Bad night (154)

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