Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(402): View more from Nebraska

I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.

Fav 39 1824 5205
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?

Fav 9 4315 1025
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(925): View more from California

upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday

Fav 42 3317 893
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.

Fav 19 1274 6240
share tweet
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(269): View more from Michigan

its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"

Fav 11 5470 1224
share tweet
(859): View more from Kentucky

By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day

Fav 2 1479 780
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(410): View more from Maryland

Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.

Fav 8 2695 1088
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.

Fav 0 746 379
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(970): View more from Colorado

Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.

Fav 0 84 146
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT