I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My balls are so social today.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment