Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
