Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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