so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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