Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
