I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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