I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
