and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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