i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
