By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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