apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
