She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
