im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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