just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
