Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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