Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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