In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize