Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
