the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
