i love accidental penises.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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