I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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