Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
