Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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