i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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