i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
