so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
