Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize