i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
