He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
