He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
