so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
