He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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