The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
