yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
