he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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