you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
