Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I want to make a zoo with you.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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