Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
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I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
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All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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