DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
