i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
