I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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