All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
