i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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