i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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