You just made me feel so damn special
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
