Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
