Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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