wanna go halves on a baby?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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