Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She bit a glass in half.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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