When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
