sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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