I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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