Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
