Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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