Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
