Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
