what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
