You smell like a Billy Joel song
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
