so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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