I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
