You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
