she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.