My liver just broke up with me...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
