...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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